I didn't go to church today.
I had every intention of going, and even woke up when I was supposed to after getting home way too late the previous night. My throat felt like death when I woke up, probably from scream/talking over loud music for two nights in a row, but it didn't feel like that was the cause while laying in bed.
I got a call from Elder Buhler at 9:30 (why was he not in sacrament meeting?) wondering where I was, and I think he could tell by my voice that I was not just weaseling out of an early Sunday morning. I got a voicemail later asking when a good time to meet this week would be, and I think I'll find out my work schedule tomorrow and call them back.
Even while wanting to meet with the missionaries again, I'm starting to have bigger doubts about joining the church than I have before.
I will fully admit that one big draw of the church is the community and the feeling of being part of something. I'm starting to get that feeling in another aspect of my life though, and I'm loving the feeling. This other aspect is the dancing community of Sacramento. I feel very accepted into the group now that I'm getting invites to parties and the lesser known dance venues, and I'm making some pretty awesome friends in the process.
Just as I was typing that I realized that it's probably not any sort of coincidence that I'm feeling this sense of community outside of the church while investigating though. I started attending both swing dancing and church within just a week of each other, so I shouldn't be surprised that while I'm looking for a community to help support me I was brought to two pretty different ones.
Now that I've realized the timing with this sense of belonging, maybe I shouldn't be having these doubts.
I'm still going to take my time with investigating, because should I take that step, it's not one that I would ever want to try to take back. Kind of like marriage.
Feeling the acceptance of the Midtown Stomp crowd is actually a bit liberating in my involvement in the church. Like the need to be a part of that community isn't so great. So now I can participate in the church community as I want to, not as I feel I may need to, and focus more on the faith.
That's what this is supposed to be about, right?
About Me
- Katherine
- A more than full time English student and part time smoothie maker hoping to take some kinks out of the high school education system.
Comments make me happy. They make me feel like my blog is more of a conversation. I was always more of a fan of discussion courses than lecture.
2 comments:
I think taking the pressure off the church as a community does let it focus on the faith. But I also think that 2 communities within one Katherine can survive together and coexist. :) I love that you have found this dance thing! It sounds so awesome, I want to fly out every weekend and tag along! I also love that you feel accepted in it, and that they are making you feel so welcome! I think the church is doing great with that, too. I think YOU are doing great with all this newness in your life! You are allowed to miss church from time to time. And you are allowed to have doubts. Isn't doubt what makes believing all the more special? I think the best thing to say is that you do not have to chose one for the other. This world is all twisted around and wacky and offers so many opportunities that no life has only one direction to follow!
sorry about all that rambling... today is no day to edit my comments... hahaha :D
I'm with Lexi: I think it's great that you're getting this sense of belonging from the dance community. I know we've talked about this, but I feel exactly the same way. I've never felt as good about myself or that I really belonged in a group until I started dancing, and it just makes me feel so wonderful. I'm glad you've found this for yourself (and it's just a bonus that it happens to be in the same community).
Conversely though, I feel like I really need to develop my own personal relationship with God. Reading your investigations is really inspiring me to develop my faith and finding a way for my social and spiritual lives to coexist without one superceding the other.
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